One of the pastors from my church recently gave me this bible verse when I was asking for prayer about severe anxiety I was experiencing:  Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.

It reminded me of how I so often move off in many directions, trying to find something to do, the next thing I have to be doing, need to be doing, the next goal. While I am still every morning and in His word for the first part of the day, I still often find myself “wandering” in so many ways throughout my day and my life. I liken this much to being an addict. Always seeking the next binge, the next high, the next way to feel good. One thing that recovery has taught me is this: once an addict, always an addict. Not in a negative way, but in the way I tend to try to fill my life with the unnecessary, the way I seek to fill a void, any void with something to make it not seem empty. When I am still, God is there to fill that void the way He wants it filled, which is how it was meant to be filled all along.

As I was contemplating this I remembered two poems I wrote. One of them was written at the beginning of my recovery process titled “This Addicts Prayer” and one more recently when I was struggling with just being still, it is simply called “To Be.” I want share these with you as I continue on this journey and I pray that the Lord will bless you with His Peace, the Peace only He can bring as He told us in John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

 

 This Addicts Prayer

I run away

It follows me
I hide in the dark
It finds me there

I take a step around

It trips me up
I try to sleep
It finds my dreams

I wake to it by my side

I cry because it stays
It follows me through my day
And stays into my night

Oh God, oh God where are you now?

Please help me find relief!
Would you not spare this sinners heart
And give her rest and peace this day?

C. Tacy

7/23/10

To Be

To be at rest

To sit and know
My place in You
My home is set

This is my prayer
It is my hope
My heart desires
This strong faith

Why do I wander?

Where would I go?
My feet won’t stop
My heart is restless

I know Your Peace

I know Your Love
Your presence in me
Can silence my lips

Yet off I go

Searching still
For something else
I do not know

Please hold me close

Slow my mind
Secure my heart
Bring me home

To be still and quiet

To be at rest
To be in Your Holy presence
To be at Peace

C. Tacy

2/6/13