There is much to gain from reading through Romans 7 and 8, especially from the perspective of an addict. I struggled for a long time with my understanding of much of what Paul was writing here. It was not until I began to read through the Old Testament with new eyes and to began to see how much God loved His people and provided them with opportunity after opportunity to turn from their sinful ways and back to Him, that I gained new insight into what Paul was writing. Once we understood what the laws were, once God provided them to Moses to give to His people, we became aware of our sinful nature and God provided His people with the ways, through sacrifice, to atone for their sins. He provided them with guidelines for right living and for Worship of Him alone. But their sinful nature took over again and again, just as mine will if given the opportunity.
In Romans Paul points out that we have a sinful nature that “came to life” with the law, once we knew the law, which is from God and therefore good and Holy, yet we, in our sinful nature, were unable to keep those laws. We died to sin because our flesh could not conform to the laws which are Holy. Paul writes in Romans 7:19-20 “For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me” and then he later goes on to say “what a wretched man am I!” and begs the question “who will set me free from the body of this death?” He concludes chapter 7 by pointing out his thankfulness for Christ’s sacrifice because he realizes that, though he wants to live a sinless life, in his flesh he cannot and he needs the sacrifice of Christ who redeems us from our sin. Our sinful nature died with Christ when he sacrificed for us so that we too could rise with Him and have new life and freedom and be alive with the Holy Spirit that is in us.
Now these two books, for me anyway, are like a guide-post to the addict who cannot seem to shed the sinful nature of addiction. I cannot simply toss aside my lustful desires for my drug of choice, for food, and expect that because, in my mind, I WANT to not idolize food, I WANT to make God my number one priority, I WANT to let go of my all-consuming desire to turn to food for love and companionship and comfort instead of God, I cannot. It is only through Christ’s strength and power, through His sacrifice, that I am able to turn away and surrender and seek forgiveness, seek God when I falter and am unable to “live up to the righteous requirements of the law.” It is through Him that I know forgiveness and peace, that I am not condemned. For it was right after I walked through the doors of my first Celebrate Recovery meeting that I began to understand more fully the deep and unforgiving nature of my flesh, my addiction, and for the first time I found Romans 8:1 “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” There was something about this verse that hit me between the eyes from the very beginning of the recovery process. Yet I did not fully understand it, I just clung to it and believed it.
When I recently read through the book of Romans again I spent a great deal of time considering what all these things meant to me. I prayed about dealing with my addictive behaviors because, though I have come a long way I still struggle a lot and lately have just simply given in so much that I was despairing ever finding my way back out. So I read again Romans 8:1 and then kept going and praying through the rest. As I look back I see the amazing Love of God for us. I see that because Christ died for my sin He set me free from death…”for what the law could not do, God did…” by sending Christ to die for us as the complete and ultimate offering for our sin so that we may free.
There is so much to these two chapters in Romans that I feel as if I could spend months within them and still not even begin to scratch the surface of all that Paul was writing. But I do know that, though I struggle at times in my flesh, Christ died for my sin and provided me with life and hope and peace and with the guidance of the Holy Spirit that dwells in me to keep me pointed in the direction of life and not of death.
All this came about because of a poem I had written at the beginning of my struggles with this addiction that still speaks to me to this day:
This Addicts Prayer
I run away
It follows me
I hide in the dark
It finds me there
I take a step around
It trips me up
I try to sleep
It finds my dreams
I wake to it by my side
I cry because it stays
It follows me through my day
And stays into my night
Oh God, oh God where are you now?
Please help me find relief!
Would you not spare this sinners heart
And give her rest and peace this day?
While I falter at times, I know the truth of His Love and His sacrifice. I know who I am in Him and I know He will uphold me with His righteous right hand as I walk this journey of life here with Him. He is there with me, still loving me, when I turn from Him and turn to food for comfort or relief that does not come. What I am finally beginning to understand more fully is the TRUTH of what is written here for us, and not just in my head, but in my heart. This is a love story and it plainly shows us the amazing and beautiful love our Father in heaven has for us, so much so that He sent His son as the ultimate sacrifice for our sin so that we could once again be close to Him.
Instead of simply reading this and trying to understand it in my mind, it seeps into my very soul and finds the pieces of me that are still quite broken and begins to knit them back together, stronger than before, so that I may have peace each day, in Him, and through Him who Loves me more than I will ever truly understand because it IS a peace and love that surpasses understanding.
It is daily my prayer that He will lead me along the path of His truth and life and love – and to live in that peace that surpasses understanding so I may lay my burdens down and know He has me tightly held in His Loving grasp.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Mark 10:21
Jesus looked at him and loved him…
Today when I was reading through Mark 10 I got to verse 21 and stopped for a moment. I continued through chapter 10 and then came back to the beginning of verse 21 over and over. “Jesus looked at him and loved him…” For some reason it struck me so much today. I think because I have been struggling so greatly with my addiction issue that I often forget how great, how deep, how high, how wide His love for me truly is. But this simple statement here in the middle of chapter 10 just drew me back to the simple fact of His beautiful and infinite Love for us.
Jesus was telling the young man in this verse that in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven he needed to give up everything and follow him. Jesus knew the outcome, knew how the man would react, yet He looked at him and Loved him.
Over and over I read these seven simple words and I understood the truth that no matter what I do, no matter how I mess up, I am Loved, and that fact will never change. Yes, I have read of His great Love for me many times in many places in the bible, yet for some reason, the simplicity and truth and beauty of these seven words broke through to me in a way I have never perhaps understood before.
Lord, thank you for looking on me with Love. Thank you for the beauty in the ways you express that Love to us every day. Thank you for the way you showed Your Love to us all through the greatest sacrifice of all so that we would forever know of that great, unending Love for us.
Jesus looked at him and loved him…
Today when I was reading through Mark 10 I got to verse 21 and stopped for a moment. I continued through chapter 10 and then came back to the beginning of verse 21 over and over. “Jesus looked at him and loved him…” For some reason it struck me so much today. I think because I have been struggling so greatly with my addiction issue that I often forget how great, how deep, how high, how wide His love for me truly is. But this simple statement here in the middle of chapter 10 just drew me back to the simple fact of His beautiful and infinite Love for us.
Jesus was telling the young man in this verse that in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven he needed to give up everything and follow him. Jesus knew the outcome, knew how the man would react, yet He looked at him and Loved him.
Over and over I read these seven simple words and I understood the truth that no matter what I do, no matter how I mess up, I am Loved, and that fact will never change. Yes, I have read of His great Love for me many times in many places in the bible, yet for some reason, the simplicity and truth and beauty of these seven words broke through to me in a way I have never perhaps understood before.
Lord, thank you for looking on me with Love. Thank you for the beauty in the ways you express that Love to us every day. Thank you for the way you showed Your Love to us all through the greatest sacrifice of all so that we would forever know of that great, unending Love for us.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
2 Corinthians 10:4-5
The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
Ephesians 6:10-11
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.
This morning as I was journaling God brought to me how very “weak” my mind can be when influenced both from without and within. My mind is like a battlefield, and I am often the wounded soldier. What this means is that often when someone says something or does something to me, or around me, my thoughts can take that something and turn it into an explosive device that is almost like a grenade that has been “tossed” into my head. If I do not toss it right back out, it blows up and turns into something that spurns my addictive behaviors, or at the very least my stinkin’ thinkin’, which is generally negative and shameful thoughts about who I am. Sometimes it is more like an explosive that has been planted with a timer. I get the thought but it does not seem to be too bad or too much of an issue at that moment. But it festers and then, when I least expect it, it blows and I am once again in a mess of addictive patterns. But these thoughts do not necessarily always come from without – sometimes they come from within. These are old habits and ways of thinking that can be like a buried mine in a mine field (or, in this case, “mind” field). I am going along and suddenly I “trip” one of these mines and it goes off and I am, once again, a bloody mess.
How then do I keep these thoughts from constantly attacking? What can I possibly do to keep them at bay and not perseverate on them to the point that they turn into those explosions of addictive behavior?
God clearly tells us that we need to be close to Him, drawn in to Him. If we draw near to Him, he will draw near to us (James 4:8). We need to capture these thoughts and make them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). We need also to arm ourselves with His Word, the sword of the Spirit (Ephesians 6:17) to fight these battles raging in our minds. In order to capture those thoughts and use that sword, we NEED to be in His Word daily, to read the bible, write down scriptures, pray. He promises to be with us, to uphold us, to protect us, but we must do our part and draw near to Him through the Word and through prayer. In this way, though the battle may rage, we are less likely to lay wounded on the sideline of life and more likely to be a victorious soldier fighting the battle under His banner of Love.
Father, today may I turn to You and Your Word to fight the battles that rage in my mind that would wound me and try to keep me from Your Loving embrace. Strengthen me for this fight within me and draw near to me as I draw near to you. Amen.
The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
Ephesians 6:10-11
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.
This morning as I was journaling God brought to me how very “weak” my mind can be when influenced both from without and within. My mind is like a battlefield, and I am often the wounded soldier. What this means is that often when someone says something or does something to me, or around me, my thoughts can take that something and turn it into an explosive device that is almost like a grenade that has been “tossed” into my head. If I do not toss it right back out, it blows up and turns into something that spurns my addictive behaviors, or at the very least my stinkin’ thinkin’, which is generally negative and shameful thoughts about who I am. Sometimes it is more like an explosive that has been planted with a timer. I get the thought but it does not seem to be too bad or too much of an issue at that moment. But it festers and then, when I least expect it, it blows and I am once again in a mess of addictive patterns. But these thoughts do not necessarily always come from without – sometimes they come from within. These are old habits and ways of thinking that can be like a buried mine in a mine field (or, in this case, “mind” field). I am going along and suddenly I “trip” one of these mines and it goes off and I am, once again, a bloody mess.
How then do I keep these thoughts from constantly attacking? What can I possibly do to keep them at bay and not perseverate on them to the point that they turn into those explosions of addictive behavior?
God clearly tells us that we need to be close to Him, drawn in to Him. If we draw near to Him, he will draw near to us (James 4:8). We need to capture these thoughts and make them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). We need also to arm ourselves with His Word, the sword of the Spirit (Ephesians 6:17) to fight these battles raging in our minds. In order to capture those thoughts and use that sword, we NEED to be in His Word daily, to read the bible, write down scriptures, pray. He promises to be with us, to uphold us, to protect us, but we must do our part and draw near to Him through the Word and through prayer. In this way, though the battle may rage, we are less likely to lay wounded on the sideline of life and more likely to be a victorious soldier fighting the battle under His banner of Love.
Father, today may I turn to You and Your Word to fight the battles that rage in my mind that would wound me and try to keep me from Your Loving embrace. Strengthen me for this fight within me and draw near to me as I draw near to you. Amen.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Matthew 6:14-15
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
They say to forgive is divine. Forgiveness is one of those things that can be a stumbling block. It has been in my life. Without forgiveness how can we be free? Jesus is the greatest example ever of forgiveness on so many levels and in so many ways. He is the sacrifice that God sent in order that we may all experience forgiveness. Jesus himself forgave all those who were against him and put him on the cross and crucified him. Yet he also forgave throughout his life here on earth. He forgave the sins of those seeking healing, he forgave those who were selfish and self-seeking; he forgave his disciples for their unbelief. How then, do we NOT offer forgiveness as Christians if we seek to be like Jesus? In our brokenness we often find it easier to nurse our wounds, to hang on to the pain others have caused us because we then feel justified in our own actions. This leads only to more pain and suffering. It is why Jesus came, why he suffered as he did.
Forgiveness is one of the ways in which we can most show others Christ in us and through us. In forgiving others we forgive ourselves and open the door to healing, peace, love and a greater relationship to the One who forgave us from the very beginning.
Father, please shine your light in the dark corners of my heart and show me the path to true forgiveness of others.
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
They say to forgive is divine. Forgiveness is one of those things that can be a stumbling block. It has been in my life. Without forgiveness how can we be free? Jesus is the greatest example ever of forgiveness on so many levels and in so many ways. He is the sacrifice that God sent in order that we may all experience forgiveness. Jesus himself forgave all those who were against him and put him on the cross and crucified him. Yet he also forgave throughout his life here on earth. He forgave the sins of those seeking healing, he forgave those who were selfish and self-seeking; he forgave his disciples for their unbelief. How then, do we NOT offer forgiveness as Christians if we seek to be like Jesus? In our brokenness we often find it easier to nurse our wounds, to hang on to the pain others have caused us because we then feel justified in our own actions. This leads only to more pain and suffering. It is why Jesus came, why he suffered as he did.
Forgiveness is one of the ways in which we can most show others Christ in us and through us. In forgiving others we forgive ourselves and open the door to healing, peace, love and a greater relationship to the One who forgave us from the very beginning.
Father, please shine your light in the dark corners of my heart and show me the path to true forgiveness of others.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Matthew 17:20
“… Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
Do I have the faith of a mustard seed? I was pondering this question this morning after I heard it quoted on the radio program I was listening to. It truly got me thinking about my faith, and oftentimes my lack thereof!
When I keep my eyes on Jesus as I go through my day I fully believe there is nothing that will not be accomplished if I trust in Him to take care of me. But even momentary disruptions can often knock me to and fro and somehow I will lose sight of this and of Him. I then feel as if I am lost and nothing can redeem me or the situation I am in. Nothing will be able to “fix” the momentary problem or those that stem from what is happening just then. I am like Peter when he says “Lord, if it is you tell me to come on the water” When Jesus says “come,” Peter steps out of the boat and walks on the water toward Jesus. But the moment his eyes are off Jesus and distracted by the storm, he begins to sink and cries out to the Lord to save him. Jesus says “you of little faith, why did you doubt?”
Why do I doubt so often? Why do I allow myself to be distracted from Christ and His purpose for my life? When I take my eyes from Him, even for a moment, I lose focus and begin to sink. When I realize I am sinking I cry out to Him to save me once again. Always full of Mercy, He reaches for me and pulls me up and out of the pit I have placed myself in. Were I to have just the faith of that tiny mustard seed what amazing things He could accomplish through me!
Father I pray that today I remain focused on You, having faith only in You and know that with You I can accomplish great things for Your Kingdom.
“… Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
Do I have the faith of a mustard seed? I was pondering this question this morning after I heard it quoted on the radio program I was listening to. It truly got me thinking about my faith, and oftentimes my lack thereof!
When I keep my eyes on Jesus as I go through my day I fully believe there is nothing that will not be accomplished if I trust in Him to take care of me. But even momentary disruptions can often knock me to and fro and somehow I will lose sight of this and of Him. I then feel as if I am lost and nothing can redeem me or the situation I am in. Nothing will be able to “fix” the momentary problem or those that stem from what is happening just then. I am like Peter when he says “Lord, if it is you tell me to come on the water” When Jesus says “come,” Peter steps out of the boat and walks on the water toward Jesus. But the moment his eyes are off Jesus and distracted by the storm, he begins to sink and cries out to the Lord to save him. Jesus says “you of little faith, why did you doubt?”
Why do I doubt so often? Why do I allow myself to be distracted from Christ and His purpose for my life? When I take my eyes from Him, even for a moment, I lose focus and begin to sink. When I realize I am sinking I cry out to Him to save me once again. Always full of Mercy, He reaches for me and pulls me up and out of the pit I have placed myself in. Were I to have just the faith of that tiny mustard seed what amazing things He could accomplish through me!
Father I pray that today I remain focused on You, having faith only in You and know that with You I can accomplish great things for Your Kingdom.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Exodus 15:13
In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling
Often have I simply read the words of the scriptures and set them aside, or ascribed them only to the time in which they were written, or to the action or inaction of those the Lord was speaking to at the time. But if I am to live the way he wants of me then I need to take all he has to say and apply it to my life in the ways he is showing me. His words were not just for a moment in time, they are the living breath of the Lord spoken to us through the bible to show us of His great Love for us.
I tend to go along my own path much of the time, believing I am following the direction I am meant to follow, forgetting that he will guide me and show me the path as I move forward toward all he has for me. Remembering that he is my strength and my guide through this life and onward into his loving arms when I leave this place and finally get to sit at the throne in his Holy presence.
Lord, thank You for your amazing Word that shows us your Love and Gracious forgiveness that I may have everlasting life with you.
In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In your strength you will guide them to your holy dwelling
Often have I simply read the words of the scriptures and set them aside, or ascribed them only to the time in which they were written, or to the action or inaction of those the Lord was speaking to at the time. But if I am to live the way he wants of me then I need to take all he has to say and apply it to my life in the ways he is showing me. His words were not just for a moment in time, they are the living breath of the Lord spoken to us through the bible to show us of His great Love for us.
I tend to go along my own path much of the time, believing I am following the direction I am meant to follow, forgetting that he will guide me and show me the path as I move forward toward all he has for me. Remembering that he is my strength and my guide through this life and onward into his loving arms when I leave this place and finally get to sit at the throne in his Holy presence.
Lord, thank You for your amazing Word that shows us your Love and Gracious forgiveness that I may have everlasting life with you.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Someone said to me the other day that his wife had a child-like faith in the Lord and he himself was much more analytical. This gave me pause. Do I have a child-like faith or am I always thinking and analyzing all that the Lord does for me? It reminded me of when Jesus told his disciples to “let the children come” when they were trying to keep them from him. Children have such amazing faith and trust before they grow and become adults who are pulled in so many directions and have been through so much in life that they become distracted and torn from that child-like quality of complete and utter faith, trust, and dependence in the Lord. As adults we often lose these qualities, thinking we can do it better. He wants us to be fully dependent on him and to trust him and have faith in him in the way that a child has for their parent.
With too much analyzing and over-thinking and depending upon ourselves we can easily create a snare that will stop us, or at the very least slow us down, from all that God has planned for us. God has a path for us and shows us the way to keep our feet moving forward and not veering left or right as we so often choose to do with our over-thinking. Then we feel stuck and trapped and must once again cry out to him for Mercy and help to get us back on the path he had us on all along.
If we were to simply delight in the Lord and all he has for us, simply follow him with that child-like faith and trust he loves so much, how much less difficult would life seem as we moved ever closer to him and to our final reward?
Lord, give me a child-like faith and trust that draws me ever closer to you!
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Someone said to me the other day that his wife had a child-like faith in the Lord and he himself was much more analytical. This gave me pause. Do I have a child-like faith or am I always thinking and analyzing all that the Lord does for me? It reminded me of when Jesus told his disciples to “let the children come” when they were trying to keep them from him. Children have such amazing faith and trust before they grow and become adults who are pulled in so many directions and have been through so much in life that they become distracted and torn from that child-like quality of complete and utter faith, trust, and dependence in the Lord. As adults we often lose these qualities, thinking we can do it better. He wants us to be fully dependent on him and to trust him and have faith in him in the way that a child has for their parent.
With too much analyzing and over-thinking and depending upon ourselves we can easily create a snare that will stop us, or at the very least slow us down, from all that God has planned for us. God has a path for us and shows us the way to keep our feet moving forward and not veering left or right as we so often choose to do with our over-thinking. Then we feel stuck and trapped and must once again cry out to him for Mercy and help to get us back on the path he had us on all along.
If we were to simply delight in the Lord and all he has for us, simply follow him with that child-like faith and trust he loves so much, how much less difficult would life seem as we moved ever closer to him and to our final reward?
Lord, give me a child-like faith and trust that draws me ever closer to you!
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Psalm 55:7-8
I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm.
Many have been the times I chose the desert over the cover of the Lord and closeness of those He placed in my life to uplift and encourage and love me. Why is it that we often choose to run into the desert, into what is truly the unknown, rather than into the safety of His arms? Of course fear is one factor. As broken humans we have fears, both understood and mysterious, that take hold of our thoughts and grow into a giant roadblock that we cannot seem to get around, so we turn back and run to what we think is the safety of the desert, the safety of isolating from others, from pain and fear.
In reality we are simply setting ourselves up for more pain and suffering because while we sit in our desert the roadblock we were afraid to go around, or over, or through, becomes ever-increasing in size as we imagine even worse things that are added to that blockade. Had we turned to God and to those He provided for us to help us get around that blockade, we would have seen the truth of what it was and gained more strength for the next one that will come our way. The more we face the fears of life and turn to God and to our brothers and sisters for help, the more strength we gain along this journey we are on.
While the fears and roadblocks will never disappear, we gain strength and wisdom and understanding as we face each one and learn how the Lord wants us to deal with it and move on in the direction He has set before us.
Father I pray for the strength only You can provide to help me face my fears and stay out of the desert of isolation and pain.
I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;
I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm.
Many have been the times I chose the desert over the cover of the Lord and closeness of those He placed in my life to uplift and encourage and love me. Why is it that we often choose to run into the desert, into what is truly the unknown, rather than into the safety of His arms? Of course fear is one factor. As broken humans we have fears, both understood and mysterious, that take hold of our thoughts and grow into a giant roadblock that we cannot seem to get around, so we turn back and run to what we think is the safety of the desert, the safety of isolating from others, from pain and fear.
In reality we are simply setting ourselves up for more pain and suffering because while we sit in our desert the roadblock we were afraid to go around, or over, or through, becomes ever-increasing in size as we imagine even worse things that are added to that blockade. Had we turned to God and to those He provided for us to help us get around that blockade, we would have seen the truth of what it was and gained more strength for the next one that will come our way. The more we face the fears of life and turn to God and to our brothers and sisters for help, the more strength we gain along this journey we are on.
While the fears and roadblocks will never disappear, we gain strength and wisdom and understanding as we face each one and learn how the Lord wants us to deal with it and move on in the direction He has set before us.
Father I pray for the strength only You can provide to help me face my fears and stay out of the desert of isolation and pain.
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